In t-minus 3 months, give or take a week or so.  It all depends on where we end up moving to.  And that, my friends, is all my mind is consumed with lately.

Our life hasn’t always been roses and sunshine.  Everyone knows this to be true.  It seems that once we get two steps ahead, we end up having to take 14 back.  We’ve always been so thankful to have everything we’ve ever needed, though.  Even though it may not have been what I’ve wanted, when I wanted it, we just rolled with the punches and played with the cards we were dealt.

So yes, we’ve rented for our entire 15 year marriage.  Who cares?!  Well, I do.  But we just haven’t been in a position to ever purchase our own home during those years.  Everything that had to come up, came up, and we just never did it.  And we’ve been fine with that decision.  But my biggest dream is to own my own home (with a media room!).  I just haven’t ever known when, or IF, this dream would ever become a reality.

2018 was supposed to be “our year”!  Well, 2017 was really supposed to be our year — until CANCER entered our lives.  So let’s plan for 2018 to be our year!  My 40th bday, our 15th wedding anniversary, my son enters high school, we go to the beach again, oh, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll start planning our savings out again, so that one day we can buy our very own house!  HAHAHA.  Yeah right.  Bday came and went.  15th anniversary was fine — didn’t get to take any fun trips as hoped, but maybe next year.  No summer vacation either.  No biggie.  Saving for a house — maybe next year — 2018 is still spent paying off 2017’s medical bills.  And then the email that says we have to move by the end of October, as the owner of our home is selling it.  LOVELY!!

To get this post finally to the point of what I wanted to write about…. house buying is not easy!  And frankly, I think it’s unfair!  We’ve been forced into the position of having to move.  Okay fine.  But I really, really, really, really, REALLY don’t want to have to rent again — to have to live every single year wondering if we’re going to have to move or not.  But buying a house — we have zero savings!  Everyone tells us “oh, I got into a house with lots of debt, low credit, and nothing down — it can be done!”, and all of their stories of how it can be done!  So sure, why not try it ourselves.

And here’s the deal.  Sure, we absolutely can pay a house payment every month.  YAY!  No lender says otherwise.  The problem rests not in that, not in our credit scores even.  It rests in the fact that we have to save several thousand dollars even still, just to even make an offer on a house.  And another dumb thing — when they run our credit, they take the middle score of the 3 bureau’s, so it puts us just under what we’d need in order to get the grant we need for the down payment assistance.  I swear.  It’s not possible!!  Save money — but oh wait, spend money to get your credit score brought up just a few points.  And then find more money so you can put an offer in.  And then for all of the extras.  In 3 months time, too, please.  Then you find a house you love, and it’s way too early to do anything about it, but the owner likes you and will hold off on closing for the right offer.  Oh but we can’t make an offer!  Oh well.  Weeks go by and then those people reach out to us again and we start using their lender and talking all avenues, to try and get us into that house.  Two more options pop up that put us RIGHT THERE to get into this house! Talk about roller coaster of emotions.  Then one day later, the house gets two offers on it, bumping our new options into a fiery pit of death.  The house won’t be ours and this is the answer we didn’t want to hear.  But they just needed an offer.  No time to wait for us.

House buying is only good for who it’s good for.  If you know what I mean.

So we wait.  And we see houses with higher purchase prices, but that we’d DREAM to own, and honestly could.  But because we don’t have money up front, it won’t happen.  So we look for whatever will work.  But I don’t want just anything.  I’d rather rent another house and save for a dream home, than buy something small and plain just because I can.  Which I can’t even do that right now!

Will we get to buy?  The jury is out on that one.  We’re saving every single penny we can. Will we get one of those might-be-do-able dream houses that sit at $20,000 more than we will probably be approved for?  Doubt it.  Unless we have a co-signer (I’m not going to be on the loan — my debt is too high and I have no good income), which won’t happen either.  Or a huge amount of money up front.  We know that’s not going to happen anytime soon.  (negative Nelly speaking there, forgive her).

But we can afford a monthly payment, regardless of all of this.  And we’ve paid a rental payment for 15 years with impeccable rental history.  And we’re good people, gosh darn it.  Just lots of strings of bad luck.  Why can’t they just give us a darn house (with a media room?!)…. it just seems impossible.

Speak life.  Everyone tells me this.  I used to say it myself.  And I do believe that God will figure everything out for us in His time.  But I’m just writing out of honest feelings about the situation.  How it seems super hard for someone to get into a house.  Unless you have money, and that just stinks when you’re us.

Back to applying for part-time jobs and saving every penny I can find.  Just in case the impossible proves possible, and we get to move into our dream home of our very own in 3 short months.

Everything is possible with God.  I must remember this.

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